When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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