I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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