I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
