the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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