im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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