she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
