just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
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Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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