Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
