My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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