She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How does one acquire holy water?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
