now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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