This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
