I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
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..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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