she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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