3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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