How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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