yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude