I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
