So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Welp...herpes.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
