i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
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he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home