i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.