I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.