Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??