i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
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I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
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i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us