Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?