last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I only lived at night.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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