with your own penis?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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