Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
