I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize