I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
