Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
