You just made me feel so damn special
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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