I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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