Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
