you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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