Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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