Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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