sarcasm needs its own font
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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