The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
