Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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