Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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