Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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