But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
