The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
