Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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