I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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