I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
