Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
