this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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