margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
