I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
