Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
