It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
