I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".