Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.