I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake