The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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